Big Times Of Our Lives
by Discontinued Indefinitely
Summary: "There are times that we will want nothing more than to just give up. And these are the most important times of our lives...because if we make it through them, then we get to experience the greater moments life has to offer." Logan makes a mistake, and Kendall shows him how truly great life is.
1. The Time That Logan Committed Suicide

**A/N: Wow it has been so long…..Anyways, I'm back, and ready to write a new story! As well as my eight something unfinished ones haha. Anyways, more talking at the end! For now, here you go!**

**Big Times Of Our Lives**

**The Death**

_In the arms of an angel…..fly away from here. In the arms of the angel…..may you find some comfort here._

Rain is a funny thing if you think about it. Water magically falling from the sky, without warning. It has more purpose than that though. Really, it saves lives. In dry gardens, it waters plants. In raging fires, it smolders the flame. And when your world comes crashing down, it is there to hide your tears.

When it rains, it pours. And when it rains, the rain is everywhere. It is on slick, muddy hills, and on busy, roaring highways, and it is even on the windows of houses and schools and businesses.

And even funeral homes.

With a gentle patter thousands, maybe millions of raindrops collide with the windows of funeral homes, sliding down and dropping off onto the ground eventually.

And boys watch from the inside of the funeral homes, the tears on their faces mimicking the ones on the outside. Boys watch and cry and they hurt inside as they see the sad, wet world around them.

Inside the funeral homes it is warm and quiet. But death can be felt. The death of loved ones, the death of smiles, the death of relationships.

Except memories. Memories never die. Memories of the good, golden days of the past always live on in the hearts of boys. Boys that sit on seats in funeral homes watching rain slide down windows outside. Boys who try to hold the emotion down inside of them but it always erupts anyways. Boys who think the world is ending because everything is changing.

Boys like Logan Mitchell. Logan Mitchell, who just can't stand the pain. Logan Mitchell, who dreams of the end of everything. Logan Mitchell, who needs to distract himself from the horrible dying soul inside of him and the pain that hurts so bad that he just wants to scream and scream and scream.

"Logan."

Logan Mitchell who has lost one of the most important people in the world.

"Logan."

Logan Mitchell who can't stand to hear the soft Sarah McLachlan playing over the speakers while his dead companion is honored.

"Logan, sweetie…"

Logan Mitchell, who just wants to be left alone.

"Logan!"

"Huh?" Logan asked, looking to his right. Mrs. Knight was staring at him with red puffy eyes. She looked a thousand years older.

Logan became aware of the fact that the funeral home had gone silent, the music having ended an unknown amount of time ago.

"It's time." Was all Mama Knight said, but Logan knew what she meant. He know noticed many people approaching the shiny, half open box that was the focus of the room.

"No…no. It can't be!" Logan said quietly yet frantically as tears started to roll down his cheeks again.

Mrs. Knight didn't say a word, she only stood and started walking behind her daughter.

Logan didn't want to follow, didn't want this to happen, but he knew it needed to. He slowly stood and followed his surrogate mother and her small daughter.

Her small daughter who had lost all the meaning in the world and had changed at the age of ten.

Logan Mitchell, who couldn't stand to see the face of her small daughter, as he knew that the only thing written on it would be sadness and heartbreak and emptiness. And the tears. The tears that would plaster her face and make it glisten. The tears that would make her eyes red and swollen and puffy. The tears that would roll down her cheeks as her face scrunched up and she whimpered and the tears rolled down her face. Tear after tear after tear would roll down her face. Kind of like rain. Rain rolling down window and tears rolling down faces, and the quiet hush of it all and the light sniveling throughout the room. Light sniveling like the pitter patter of tears hitting the window, tears hitting the window and rolling down it like tears rolling down faces and making them glisten while soft whimpers were heard.

Logan was snapped out of his thoughts as he reached it. It glistened like it had been smoothly polished, and the inside was bright and soft. How could something so soft and bright be full of such….

Death.

Logan approached it slowly, reaching his hand out. His arm quivered as he fearfully touched the object contained in it, afraid that it was contagious or would wake up as soon as he touched it.

But it didn't.

It didn't wake up. Instead, it seemed even more dead as Logan felt the cold, clammy, leather-like skin under his fingers. It seemed more dead as he pushed the greasy hair out of the object's face. It seemed more dead as he couldn't see the beautiful, glowing eyes that showed life and warmth. The windows to the soul of the object were permanently closed, because the soul would never be seen again. The windows that were completely dry and closed, unlike the windows to the funeral home which were open and wet and they showed the soul of the funeral home, alive and throbbing at the loss of the soul of the object in the focus of the funeral home.

And at that point Logan collapsed onto the ground, tears flying down his cheeks and his mouth as wide as possible. He shook with his screams of agony and sadness. He just couldn't handle it anymore. His world was ending. It was all ending and his brother his best friend his childhood friend was gone forever and he didn't know why and he just wanted it all to end because he couldn't take the pain anymore and his heart was dying and why did it all have to be so painful and he just wanted to die forever because it wasn't fair, none of it was fair and how could this happen and he missed his brother so much but he couldn't do anything about it, nothing at all and it wasn't fair because his brother was dead and here he was crumpled up on the ground of a funeral home crying harder than ever, screaming until his voice became raspy.

He screamed because he just wanted his brother back.

Mama Knight came and hugged him tight and stroked his hair, telling him that everything would be alright, even though he was convinced it wouldn't.

His friends watched sadly as Mama Knight slowly pulled him back to his seat, his screams finally ending.

"No….No! KENDALL! NO! KENDALL PLEASE! KENDALL! Wake up! PLEASE! PLEASE JUST WAKE UP!" his screams resumed

And before he knew it he was sobbing so hard he was convinced he would die, looking out the window and watching the rain all over again.

Rain was a funny thing.

But Logan wasn't in the mood for laughing.

* * *

><p>As soon as everyone got back to Apartment 2J, they went to their respective rooms. Mrs. Knight and Katie to one. James and Carlos to another.<p>

And Logan to the room he used to share with his brother.

But now he was alone.

He sat on his bed, staring at Kendall's. The lights were on because Logan knew he wouldn't get any sleep whatsoever.

His cheeks had begun to burn from all the wiping he had done that day, but it was soothed by the cool tears that ran down his face.

He tired to remember the best times he had with Kendall. He tried to convince himself that things would get better. But he knew they wouldn't.

Things just plain out sucked.

Mrs. Knight would probably go back to Minnesota with Katie, because why would she stay when her son wasn't around anymore, and Logan, James and Carlos weren't related to her.

Without Kendall, Big Time Rush would probably fall apart. James and Carlos would stay in LA so James could still pursue a singing career and because Carlos was the closest with him.

And that would mean that Logan would be left on his own.

He couldn't be a doctor anymore, because, let's face it, he couldn't stand to see as many people died as doctors did.

He couldn't go back to Minnesota, because he wouldn't be able to forget Kendall.

Without Kelly and Gustavo paying for the apartment, he would be left homeless.

Homeless and alone.

Logan pushed those thoughts away because he couldn't stand to think about how his life would spiral out of control after his.

Instead, he thought back to the good old days. The days he spent with Kendall.

Logan pressed his hands into his face as hard as he could, because he couldn't stand for anyone, even though there weren't any other people in his room, to see his pain.

He laid down softly on his pillow and stared at Kendall's bed. It was neatly made like no one had ever slept in it. Logan hated that. It was like Kendall's existence was being erased, like he never was.

Logan worried suddenly. What if he forgot? Forgot the days he spent with Kendall? Forgot the times they shared together?

Then, with the way his life was heading, he would have nothing.

Without his memories, he was nothing.

And the anticipation of it all killed Logan. He couldn't take it anymore. Why should he just sit around and worry for the rest of his life about forgetting the best friend he ever had?

Inside he could feel everything breaking. His heart was shattering with the sadness of the loss of his brother. His soul was dying because he couldn't stand to live without him. And his brain was exploding because he was going crazy. He was going crazy sitting in the empty, silent room, staring at the bed that reminded him of Kendall and made him fear forgetting him.

So Logan rose.

He walked out the door, and into the kitchen of the apartment, where he found Mrs. Knight cooking something.

He didn't notice what though, because he wasn't paying attention. His body was on autopilot.

"Logan, honey, what are you doing up?" she asked as if nothing was wrong.

All Logan could muster in response was a small grunt.

Mrs. Knight sighed, then said, "Well, I suppose I could use some company. How are you doing?" she asked.

Logan knew she knew how he felt, so he didn't respond. So Mama Knight dropped whatever kitchen utensil she was cooking with, turned around, and pulled Logan into a tight, warm hug.

"It's going to be fine, Logan. Eventually. And you'll have to go through pain to get there. We all will. But things will get better, I promise."

Logan started to cry harder in her embrace, and she softly rubbed his back soothingly.

"It's gonna be fine, shh…." She repeated.

"I just miss him so much." Logan sobbed.

"I know, we all do." She said, and soon she was crying too.

Neither of them knew how long they were standing there, nor did they care. They were in so much pain, that it didn't matter.

A small whimper came from beside them and they both separated and looked over. Carlos was standing beside them holding a blanket. Normally they would tell him he's too old for blankies, but right now all of them needed all of the comfort they could get. And that blanket reminded Carlos of Kendall probably.

"I-I c-can't sleep." Carlos whimpered, then he started to sob.

Both Mama Knight and Logan pulled him in for a hug, and comforted him.

Eventually they all stopped crying temporarily, and Carlos grabbed a snack and went back to bed.

Logan soon followed, heading to his bathroom with a glass of water in his hands.

He was sure, though, to stop by the bathroom on his way.

He slowly opened the medicine cabinet, pulling out a random bottle and not bothering to look at it. He looked sadly again at the bathroom, the clicked the lights off and continued to his adjacent bedroom.

He slowly and quietly closed the door, then sat on his bed.

He pondered writing a note, but decided against it. It would make it seem to obvious that he did what he was going to do.

He sat on the bed and dumped the water on the ground, having no need for it. He set the glass on the dresser, slowly though so he wouldn't hear the clink that would tell him that this wasn't a dream, that he was alive.

For now.

He slowly unscrewed the lid to the bottle of drugs, then took one last sweeping glance at the room, at Kendall's bed, at his dresser. On it sat several hockey trophies and pictures, and a Minnesota Wild hat he had gotten from his dad as a child. And he looked at the rain that was still pouring outside and clicking on his window. It was unusual for LA, usually the climate was….

Logan interrupted his thoughts, because thinking things like that was too much like Logan. It made Logan too much like his old self. The Logan Kendall knew.

And Logan wasn't that Logan anymore.

So he clicked off the lights.

Then quickly and without hesitation he brought the bottle up to his lips and let all of the pills inside fall into his system.

Then he collapsed, and as his life flashed before his eyes, Logan regretted it, but it was too late.

Within seconds, he was gone.

**A/N: Don't freak out about all the death of this chapter. This chapter is nothing like what the majority of this story will be, it just sets it up. Basically, every chapter will be another moment in Logan's life, whether in the past or future, and it will tie into the story because each chapter will be about something mentioned in the previous chapter. I know, that might sound confusing, but please, just go with it! And that also means that in most chapters, everyone will be alive! So don't freak out…**

**Oh and if you haven't gotten this yet, you won't read about what happens to Logan and what happens directly after this until the very end of the story. So yeah…**

**Review please? The more reviews I get, the quicker I will update! **

**BTW updating won't be as regular, because I don't have as much time to type, but updating will help motivate me to push off other things and type. Lol. What a bad influence you are, Fanfiction.**

**BYEEEE!**

**BTL14 8D**


	2. The Time That Logan Met Kendall

****Sorry for the loooong delay but school was busy and time flew. Now that I'm on summer break I will update waaay more often, at least weekly. And disregard everything I said this story will be in the last chapter. I lied. Enjoy!****

**T****he Time That Logan Met Kendall**

_"I'm by your side, oh, when times get rough, and pain is all around. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down."_

"Logan, I made you breakfast sweetie. Logan...?"

_Crash_

"No! NO! Logan please, no!"

"Hey, mister!"

"No! NO please this can't be happening! Oh my God! No!"

"Um, sir? Are you there?"

"Carlos, call 911! Oh God, no, please God. Please. No. No-"

"Hey buddy, are you with me?"

"Huh?" Logan asked as his vision came into focus.

"There we go. Look who's finally awake." A man said. He was standing, bent over Logan.

"Who are you?" Logan asked.

"Here, let's get you up." the man said. Logan outstretched his hand, and the man grabbed it, pulling him up.

Logan looked around and saw he was in some kind of meadow. The sun was warm on his bare skin, and it felt nice.

Wait a minute, his bare skin?

Logan looked down and saw that he was naked. He blushed and quickly attempted to cover himself. The man chuckled at this.

Logan looked up and noticed that the man was also naked, which made him blush more. "Why am I naked? Who are you? Where am I?"

"Calm down there, squirmy. My name is Jacob. And you are dead, in the place I like to call the in-between."

"Dead! No way, how could I be.." Logan started to say, but then the memories began to flood him. "Oh yeah...but what is the in-between? And why am I naked?"

"The in-between is the place between the physical world and the eternal one. The one where you wait before you receive the Judgement. And you are naked because that is how God created you. Don't worry, you'll let go of your Earthly shame eventually."

"Well I'm not moving my hands." Logan said, refusing to look at the man.

"Suit yourself, brother."

"So, who are you, besides Jacob?"

"Well, I work for God basically roaming these fields and collecting the new spirits. It's my job to lead them to the Judgement Hall." the man explained.

"But don't tons of people die every second?" Logan asked.

"Yes," the man replied, "And not only people, but animals and other once-alive souls too. But since I have an eternity, things move slower up here."

"But..but that's impossible! Math wouldn't allow it." Logan protested.

"Man, you have to let go of your wordly convictions. Those things don't matter in the land of God."

Logan wanted to protest further but decided against it. "So where do we go?" he asked.

"Just follow me!" he said and started walking through the meadow. Logan followed, taking in the beautiful flowers and nature. His nostrils were filled with the soothing scent of the wild, colorful flowers and his skin was warmed by the golden skylight. He felt...magical.

"Just wait, heaven is even better." the man said, seemingly reading Logan's feelings.

"Too bad I won't be going there." Logan responded grimly.

"Why would you say that?" Jacob asked.

"Well, because I never really believed in God and I committed suicide."

"Just remember that God forgives those who ask of it."

Logan was silent after that and they continued to walk until the ground slowly transitioned from grass to mossy pavement. It was amazing because Logan wasn't sweaty or tired. He felt great.

Soon a large marble building came into view. The two continued into the building where Logan gasped at the beautiful architecture. There were gorgeous paintings on the ceiling and the lighting in the room was colorful thanks to the stained glass windows. And somehow the smooth marble walls also glowed with a certain divinity.

And conveniently enough, the place was basically completely empty.

Straight ahead of Logan, about 60 feet away, was a large platform. Leading to it was a modest yet gorgeous marble staircase, and on the platform was nothing but a simple chair.

"What is that?" Logan asked, referring to the chair.

"It's the Judgement Throne. When you sit in it, God judges everything you have done and determines your fate." the man whispered. When Logan stood staring at the chair nervously, Jacob ushered him onwards, saying, "Come."

With Jacob's hand on his shoulder, Logan slowly approached the platform. Each step echoed through the hall, causing Logan to get even more nervous. Soon he reached the steps and climbed them one by one. Just before the last step, he lingered. This was it.

Finally he stood over the chair.

Just as he was about to sit in the chair, though, the door to the hall creaked open and the noise echoed through the building. Logan released a sigh of relief and turned around. Then he gasped.

"Hey, no one's supposed to be in here!" Jacob said to the intruder.

The intruder approached Jacob and said, "It's fine. He sent me."

"Oh..." Jacob said. The intrider approached the platform and held out his hand for Logan to come with him.

Logan just stood in shock until the person spoke up. "Let's go, Logan. We have a lot to discuss."

All Logan could do was stare and smile though. Finally. Finally, the time had come.

"Kendall."

* * *

><p>"Hortense, honey, everything will be fine."<p>

"Who's Torhense?" An eight year old Logan asked his mom.

"You are, silly!"

"Mommy! My name's not Torhense." little Logan whined as he fiddled with his seat belt. "It's Logan."

His mom was silent, giving in to this battle. She drove the car in silence, looking out at the wet, dreary Minnesota landscape through the windshield. It was so different from the hot, arid climate of Texas. She knew that Logan didn't like the move. And it killed her that her baby boy had to go to a new school when he was so shy and well, to be frank, nerdy. But she had to do it, there were just too many..."unresolved conflicts" back in Texas. So while it hurt her that her son had to suffer through this, she knew he must. It was necessary.

The elementary school came into view soon. On the front of the building was "St. Paul Academy for Gifted Learners" in big, white letters that contrasted from the grey, mundane exterior of the rest of the building. All of the various schoolchildren were out in front of the school talking and making a ruckus.

"I'm scared mommy." Logan spoke from the back seat, and her guilt skyrocketed.

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry you have to do this. I promise, though, you'll be fine. A nice boy like you should make friends easily. And I'm sure the girls will be all over your cute little dimples!"

Logan blushed but grinned a bit. "Eww gross! Girls have cooties mom!" he remarked sassily. His mom stopped the car in front of the school and unbuckled her seat belt, then leaned into the back seat and gave her son a kiss on the cheek. "Of course they do. Good luck Hortense. Go make me proud."

"Bye mommy." he said quietly as he unbuckled his seat belt.

"Oh, don't forget, your teacher is Ms. Ronley." she reminded him frantically.

"Okay, okay. Bye mom." he said and got out of the car.

"I love you son..." she said as he closed the door. She watched sadly as he stood by himself, looking at the ground. Poor thing...

"Hello, class, my name is Miss Ronley. Welcome back to school, I hope you are excited for this year, because I know I sure am! Today we are just going to get to know each other..." an old, busty woman said at the front of the classroom. She had a permanent smile plastered on her face and she kinda smelled, but she seemed alright. Logan was sitting at the very front, as he usually did.

Class continued on and Logan hated most of it because it was group stuff that made him talk to other kids. It was horrifying to Logan, having to go up to kids he didn't know and talk to them. And all the other kids knew what a loner he was. So basically, little Logan's first day was absolutely horrible.

Luckily, the day was only a half day because it was the first day of the school year, so Logan didn't have to endure the torture too long. That meant though that his mom was at work and that he'd have to walk a mile home.

At least the walk wasn't as hot and treacherous as it would've been in Texas. That was about the only thing Logan didn't miss; otherwise, he hated Minnesota. Logan hated change in general, and this was the biggest possible change. But he knew his mommy needed it. He didn't question why, he just accepted it. Because he loved his mommy.

About halfway through his walk, when Logan reached the entrance to his expansive neighborhood, a group of boys approached him from behind.

"Hey, look who it is!" one of them said. Logan looked down at the sidewalk and ignored them.

"What's up, Lonergan?" a second ask. The caught up to Logan and were now walking beside him. He recognized them as kids from his class.

"Leave me alone." Logan said, and tried to walk faster.

"Calm down, Lonergan! We don't bite!" a third one said.

"Don't call me that." Logan mumbled.

"Why not? Da baby gonna cry?" the second said in a mocking tone. Logan tried to run away but the first grabbed him and held him by the collar.

"Looks like someone needs a lesson in being friendly!" he said, and pulled his fist back. Logan squeezed his eyes closed and braced for the punch.

When he opened them, though, the other two kids were on the ground holding their crotches. His oppressor was looking over at them confused, and then let go of Logan and did the same thing. A hand grabbed Logan's wrist and pulled him around a curb and down a street until they finally stopped.

"Th-thank you." Logan said between his panting. He finally got a good look at his savior; he was a small blonde boy with thick eyebrows. They looked funny but Logan wasn't in a position to judge.

"No problem." he said. "Are you a new kid? 'Cause I didn't see you at school." he said.

"Oh, I am the new kid, but I go to St. Paul Academy." Logan said.

"So you're like really smart?" the boy said. Logan looked away, ready for the mocking. "That's so cool!" he finished.

Logan looked up in surprise. "Really?" he asked and the boy nodded. "Where do you go?" Logan asked.

"Wilson Elementary." the boy said. "I play hockey there. Maybe you should go there too. The kids are nicer."

"I'll ask my mom. I've always wanted to learn hockey." Logan replied.

"I could teach you!" the boy said, and Logan smiled.

"I'd like that." Logan said. He stuck out his hand and said, "My name is Logan."

"Mine's Kendall." the boy said but he ignored his hand shake offering. Instead, he pulled him in for a quick hug.

They heard the boys chasing after him and quickly ran away, laughing.

Logan eventually transfered to the public elementary school. The two also found out they lived in the same neighborhood, just a couple of houses away, so they could hang out all the time. Life seemed like it was finally getting better for Logan. He actually made a freind. And he had a feeling this one wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

_Kendall..._

* * *

><p>I'm actually fairly proud of this chapter. How about you? Please review! They are like red velvet cupcakes. Yum. Anyways, that's all for now folks!<p>

BTL14 8D


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